Ben received his MRI results. As of right now they are not diagnosing with MS. Happy news. He has optical neuritis. But at this point he thinks that maybe that has to do with a bump to the left side of his head.
At this point we are happy that MS is not the case.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
1ST GGGGOOOOAAAAALLLLLL!!!!
This weekend Carter had soccer. He was kinda bummed when he woke up to a rainy freezing cold day thinking maybe his game would be cancelled. We were assured by an email shortly after that he would be playing. The only way they cancel a game is in a downpour or tons of lightning. So we bundled up and headed to the game.
It was a good game! The teams were really evenly matched which kept the game exciting.
The best part about this game is that Carter was in it. Like really into what he was doing. He took everything the practice and it just clicked this week.
A goal was scored and they set up in the middle to play again. He looked at me and I said to him, "Today is the day you get a goal." He smiled and gave me a thumbs up. Less than five minutes later he got his very first goal ever! He was so proud. I jumped out of my chair and had instant tears in my eyes! I am so proud of this child.
It was a good game! The teams were really evenly matched which kept the game exciting.
The best part about this game is that Carter was in it. Like really into what he was doing. He took everything the practice and it just clicked this week.
A goal was scored and they set up in the middle to play again. He looked at me and I said to him, "Today is the day you get a goal." He smiled and gave me a thumbs up. Less than five minutes later he got his very first goal ever! He was so proud. I jumped out of my chair and had instant tears in my eyes! I am so proud of this child.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Ricky Lee Bell
Yep, that's my "dad". I use that term loosely. He gave me life. There is a song that says " my daddy gave me a name and then he went away....". That's pretty much my life. Ricky Lee is an alcoholic. He has never done anything for myself or my sisters. My parents were divorced when I was about 4. I have vivid memories of my dad beating up my mom and being arrested in our home. I was my dad's pride and joy. His first born(my older sister was adopted by Ricky.). He was so proud. When I was in a pageant when I was 4 and took a runner up position he yelled from the crowd how upset he was and preceded to pull me from pageants all together.
My dad is dying of prostrate cancer. Stage 4. He started chemo in November when he was diagnosed. Soon after he stopped treatment. It was not going to save his life. Last week Wednesday he was given 6 weeks to live. I have not seen my dad in 6 years. I decided seeing him one last time might be a good idea.
Yesterday I took the trip to Green Bay to see him. He is living in a shitty hotel. He has refused to take a bed at a beautiful hospice facility because they will not let him drink. He is living (dying) off of disability money that just allows him to buy booze and cigarettes. And refill his Oxycontin prescriptions. He has nothing. He has a girlfriend that he has been with for 14 years. I have never known this women even existed until recently. She is 46 and disabled as well. Living off of disability checks as well. They have nothing. No food. No clothes besides what they were wearing. No car. No jobs. No nothing. Nothing. But they do have booze and cigarettes.
Anyway, after the two hour drive I drove past the hotel and parked in a business next door. I almost didn't knock on the door. I am so angry with him. Angry for all he put my mom through. Angry for what he put my grandma and his mom through. Angry that he chose alcohol over his kids. Angry that he has always chose alcohol over everything. I sat in my car and convinced myself that I need to say goodbye. I needed to have some compassion for this person and let him see his daughter one last time.
When I finally knocked on the door he was so happy to see me. He cried instantly. He must have told me 100 times yesterday how beautiful I was and how proud he was of the person I had become...thanks to my mother. He never said one bad thing about my mom. I was in awe. He was drinking when I got there. I didn't expect much else. His girlfriend was drinking as well. It was all awkward conversation about the past and the future. He doesn't want to die. And he never thought this would be the way he would "go out". I tried to comfort him the best I could. I reminded him that he will get to see Grandma June, his brother and his grandma again. He just doesn't want to die.
I met Erica, his social worker from the hospice facility, and she explained to us the course of actions that she is working on. She has been trying to find them an apartment. But they have multiple evictions. My dad keep saying that he just wanted to make sure that Cari was taken care of when he was gone. Hearing how concerned he was for her and how adamant he was that she be taken care of was like pouring salt in my wounds. How can he care so much for this women and her well being when he never gave a shit about us? Never paid child support? Never made sure we had what we needed? I decided at that point my visit was over. I left at 2.
When Sam showed up a few hours later, he wanted to take a ride in her mustang. To where? The liquor store. Of course. When they got back and we were finished talking with Erica, I left.
He called me later to make sure I got home alright. It blew my mind. But he also told me Sam had taken him to the bar after I left and that is where they spent the rest of the day. He assured me Sam drank ice water. I wasn't worried. I know Sam is responsible that way. And a people pleaser.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about the day. I feel good for going. I feel like I accomplished something in going to see him. Seeing him happy made me feel good. Seeing him proud made me feel good. I'm still so angry with him though and I am not sure that will go away anytime soon. Seeing him brought back all these feelings and anger that I had buried so deep.
One thing that I did learn yesterday is how lucky I am to have had such an amazing mother. This women was terrorized by this man, beaten by this man, stolen from by this man and then left with 3 kids to raise on her own. She worked multiple jobs and went to school and became a nurse as a single mom. My mom drove me crazy growing up but I will be the first to say that if it wasn't for this women......I have no idea were I'd be.
My dad is dying of prostrate cancer. Stage 4. He started chemo in November when he was diagnosed. Soon after he stopped treatment. It was not going to save his life. Last week Wednesday he was given 6 weeks to live. I have not seen my dad in 6 years. I decided seeing him one last time might be a good idea.
Yesterday I took the trip to Green Bay to see him. He is living in a shitty hotel. He has refused to take a bed at a beautiful hospice facility because they will not let him drink. He is living (dying) off of disability money that just allows him to buy booze and cigarettes. And refill his Oxycontin prescriptions. He has nothing. He has a girlfriend that he has been with for 14 years. I have never known this women even existed until recently. She is 46 and disabled as well. Living off of disability checks as well. They have nothing. No food. No clothes besides what they were wearing. No car. No jobs. No nothing. Nothing. But they do have booze and cigarettes.
Anyway, after the two hour drive I drove past the hotel and parked in a business next door. I almost didn't knock on the door. I am so angry with him. Angry for all he put my mom through. Angry for what he put my grandma and his mom through. Angry that he chose alcohol over his kids. Angry that he has always chose alcohol over everything. I sat in my car and convinced myself that I need to say goodbye. I needed to have some compassion for this person and let him see his daughter one last time.
When I finally knocked on the door he was so happy to see me. He cried instantly. He must have told me 100 times yesterday how beautiful I was and how proud he was of the person I had become...thanks to my mother. He never said one bad thing about my mom. I was in awe. He was drinking when I got there. I didn't expect much else. His girlfriend was drinking as well. It was all awkward conversation about the past and the future. He doesn't want to die. And he never thought this would be the way he would "go out". I tried to comfort him the best I could. I reminded him that he will get to see Grandma June, his brother and his grandma again. He just doesn't want to die.
I met Erica, his social worker from the hospice facility, and she explained to us the course of actions that she is working on. She has been trying to find them an apartment. But they have multiple evictions. My dad keep saying that he just wanted to make sure that Cari was taken care of when he was gone. Hearing how concerned he was for her and how adamant he was that she be taken care of was like pouring salt in my wounds. How can he care so much for this women and her well being when he never gave a shit about us? Never paid child support? Never made sure we had what we needed? I decided at that point my visit was over. I left at 2.
When Sam showed up a few hours later, he wanted to take a ride in her mustang. To where? The liquor store. Of course. When they got back and we were finished talking with Erica, I left.
He called me later to make sure I got home alright. It blew my mind. But he also told me Sam had taken him to the bar after I left and that is where they spent the rest of the day. He assured me Sam drank ice water. I wasn't worried. I know Sam is responsible that way. And a people pleaser.
I'm not quite sure how I feel about the day. I feel good for going. I feel like I accomplished something in going to see him. Seeing him happy made me feel good. Seeing him proud made me feel good. I'm still so angry with him though and I am not sure that will go away anytime soon. Seeing him brought back all these feelings and anger that I had buried so deep.
One thing that I did learn yesterday is how lucky I am to have had such an amazing mother. This women was terrorized by this man, beaten by this man, stolen from by this man and then left with 3 kids to raise on her own. She worked multiple jobs and went to school and became a nurse as a single mom. My mom drove me crazy growing up but I will be the first to say that if it wasn't for this women......I have no idea were I'd be.
On a brighter note.
Friday, September 14, 2012
Results?
Well, today Ben saw the neurologist and based on what he told me, he got good and bad news. He recorded the conversation with the doctor so that I can hear word for word what it says. He has optical neuritis (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/optic-neuritis/DS00882) and sporadic tingling in his hands. He has lesions in his brain that are "not active". The doctor told him he could have something called CSI?. A CSI diagnosis would mean that he will develop full blown MS in ten years or so. That is the bad news. He will not have another MRI on his neck (Friday the 21st) and had more blood work today. If those tests come back normal he will then have a spinal tap.
http://www.nationalmssociety.org/index.aspx ( A really good resource.)
Tests tests tests. Someday and someway....we will get to the bottom of this. Keep praying.
On a side note....I looked at Ben taking care of his health issues so I decided to do the same and go for my follow up colposcopy for my cervical cell changes(September 27th). Here's to hoping it has not developed into cervical cancer. And if it has .........well.......I have Ben by my side to help me deal with it.
http://www.nationalmssociety.org/index.aspx ( A really good resource.)
Tests tests tests. Someday and someway....we will get to the bottom of this. Keep praying.
On a side note....I looked at Ben taking care of his health issues so I decided to do the same and go for my follow up colposcopy for my cervical cell changes(September 27th). Here's to hoping it has not developed into cervical cancer. And if it has .........well.......I have Ben by my side to help me deal with it.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
The past week.
I just felt like I needed to write about what we are currently going through as a family. A week ago Ben went to the eyes doctor because he was having some vision issues in his right eye. He was sent to a specialist. Pictures of his eye showed some nerve issues. Yesterday he had an MRI on his eye and brain. That brain MRI came back with preliminary results pointing towards Multiple Sclerosis. This news has us frozen. We know its not a death sentnece. But at 29 years old, Ben is scared for his future. Especially his future as a father. A father that loves to get down on the floor and plays cars with his son. A father that loves to play baseball and ride bikes with his the boys. What would this diagnosis do to his quality of life? What would the effect be on him mentally? Us mentally? Needless to say we are scared of the unknown. The next step is for him to see a neurologist. Hopefully that will happen this week.
Until then.....we just wait and wonder.
Until then.....we just wait and wonder.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
2nd grader! (Really???)
This week Carter started 2nd grade.
He was way too cool to stand for a nice picture. And REALLY embarrassed when I told him I loved him and wanted a hug and kiss. In response I always tell him that I carried him around for 9 months and then had him surgically removed from my stomach, so he will kiss me and hug me when I want. Okay I leave out the surgical part. I told him that he had to give me the joy as his mom to take one picture of him on his first day of 2nd grade. He told me I already got my one picture because of picture day the week before. Smart ass!
Anyway, his teacher his Mrs. Camilli. A long turn sub for Mrs. Wessing who just had a baby. Carter likes her a lot.
He had a really good day and really was happy when he came home.
Here's to hoping he has a smooth year!
 |
| In front of school |
He was way too cool to stand for a nice picture. And REALLY embarrassed when I told him I loved him and wanted a hug and kiss. In response I always tell him that I carried him around for 9 months and then had him surgically removed from my stomach, so he will kiss me and hug me when I want. Okay I leave out the surgical part. I told him that he had to give me the joy as his mom to take one picture of him on his first day of 2nd grade. He told me I already got my one picture because of picture day the week before. Smart ass!
 |
| In line |
 |
| "Enough mom!" |
He had a really good day and really was happy when he came home.
Here's to hoping he has a smooth year!
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