Charli's 4 days

Charli Rose was born June 8,2013 at 6:41pm via C-section.

This is what I know.....I am still piecing it all together............
She needed to be resuscitated minutes after birth. This I know because of a medical bill I received days ago. She immediately was taken to the NICU. She was 2lbs 14 ounces and 15 inches long. Ben was with her by 7pm.

I met my daughter for the first time at 11pm on June 9, 2013. I was able to hold her "skin to skin". She was on a ventilator to breathe. My tiny baby girl was so fragile.

She had a rough night. She needed a blood transfusion. She was taken on and off of the ventilators. At one point she was just using a cpac to breathe. We were hopeful.

June 10, 2013 we were told that Charli had bleeding in her brain and lungs. They had already inserted a tube into her side to release air that was filling her chest cavity. That procedure was done that way because of her size and was now facing infection. We were told that her brain bleed would not heal. Everything that we would do from here on out would be painful and traumatic to Charli and would not save her life. She would never be a healthy little girl. We were devastated.

Ben and I decided at that time that we were not going to do anything more medically to prolong the inevitable. We would allow Charli to be given morphine to make her comfortable but that was all. Hardest decision we have and will ever make in our lives.

June 10th we called family and close friends to come and see Charli Rose because she was not going to make it. With about 20 friends and family, Charli was baptized.

June 11, 2013 we decided that after 5pm at night we were not going to have any more visitors. We were going to spend that time with Charli Rose alone. We knew she did not have long and we wanted her passing to be in a calm and quiet setting with her mom and dad just loving her. The doctor changed over her ventilator so we could hold our daughter. Ben and I just held and loved our daughter.  At about 11pm, I was handing Charli over to Ben and realized that I was soaked. My precious little girl had peed all over me. :) I left the NICU to go back to my room to shower. I got back to the NICU at about midnight. The minute I entered the room Charli's heart rate started dropping quickly. Her ventilator was already giving her 100% of her oxygen.

This was the beginning of the end.

June 12, 2013 1am- We knew she was going to die soon. We asked for all the tubes and cords to be removed so we could see our daughters face before she passed. We asked that she was given more morphine for comfort. For the next 45 minutes we held her and admired her tiny face, cringed as she took tiny gasps for air(doctor had warned us of this), and cried in disbelief. We took pictures. We just loved her.
At 1:41am the doctor pronounced her dead. We could not believe it was over. I looked at my daughter and saw almost relief and a small smile on her face. She was not in pain anymore.

Our amazing nurse offered to let me bathe Charli. I did that and enjoyed putting her in an outfit and putting a pink bow in her hair. We wrapped her in a blanket and cuddled her longer.

At about 4am we finally thought it was time to hand Charli to the nurse and walk away. I never wanted to let her go. It was harder and harder the longer I held her. She lost the little color she had so quickly.

There are so many details that I don't remember. I wish I would have had the courage to write this down right away or as it was happening. Physically and mentally I was struggling. We still can not believe that this happened.